I am going down!

Wednesday was a day of uncertain news and a chili cook-off. There was a brief unit function and then much of the unit speed off to spend time with their family. A wave of boredom overtook Ms. JB and I once again. What was the bright idea which arouse out of boredom you ask? Well in the spirit of giving thanks we decided to give blood for the American Red Cross. Ms. JB says that her office used to do this all together and then go to lunch. Sounded like a great thing to do!  So we were leaving the PX when this bright idea struck so we whipped our large white marshmallow van around and screeched into a parking spot.  Found the registration desk which wasn’t were it was supposed to be then made the head high, pep in our step march to the big Red Cross Van sitting quietly in front of the PX. 

We get in and go through all the paperwork and medical clearance steps. They sit me in a bed and start getting me all hooked up. So picture this.. you have a bus the size of a greyhound maybe.. with 3 bedlike structures on each side. The aisle in the middle is about the size of the aisle in a normal bus and you have about 4 women and a man running back in forth. These 5 personnel are no way near slim to put it nicely. So needless to say it was cramped quarters.  So they get me all hooked up and the blood starts flowing. Ms. JB comes out and they start prepping her, she sits right across from me so we can chit-chat.

My arm is hurting a little at first because of the needle but I keep pumping my fist. The ladies are doing way too many things at the same time so it is almost like a quiet chaos. My bag is almost filled and two ladies start going back in forth bantering about clamping my tube and who was going to do it. As they argue my blood bag gets too full and the blood has no place to go but back from where it came from! Back into my body! So as they banter.. I quietly say “I think I am going to pass out” I start seeing a black curtain drop in front of my eyes and stars appear. I try to fight the feeling of falling asleep (passing out) and they start panicking.  I can hear Ms. JB saying my name and the ladies telling me to keep my eyes open but they are just too heavy! When you pass out there is no magical light it is all black and its pulling me in… LMAO.  Ms. JB says I am talking slowly about stars and my leg is shaking out of control. (I do not know any of this at the time). The ladies start putting wet towel on my head and splash some water on my face. The ladies even go as far as putting a biohazard barf bag on front of me. Then some crazy lady thinks it will be funny/helpful to poor a whole bottle of water over me…. Hello! I’m saved! Call off the Paramedics, EMS and Police….I am Awake, Wet and Freezing.  Really all you had to do was let me sleep for a few minutes… there was no need to call in the shower team. So finally I wake up and try to get myself back together.. I would like that Sprite now please and my free T-Shirt!

So yes I am a little embarrassed about this extravaganza although I truly believe that it had everything to do with these ladies allowing my blood to backup into my arm again. I can honestly laugh about it now. I told Ms. JB that she had to take this story to her grave but she thought it wouldn’t be fair to all of you readers.  But she says the song for this story is Mary J. Blige… “I’m Going Down… I’m Going Down when your not around…. My whole world’s upside down.. Sleep don’t come easy” I was going down alright!  Too funny!  Note sure if I will be giving blood soon. Maybe in the future when boredom strikes again! Thanks Battle Buddy for keeping me alive!

Another great Army Day….

So yesterday we went to the range to qualify before deployment. We meet at 0700 to draw weapons from the arms room then to convoy (cars following each other from point A to point B).  So first off we have (3) 15 passenger vans which would fit the number of personnel we have, but NO we have to be individuals and take a whole bunch of GOV’s out to the range because we can’t operate like an Army Unit. Then our infamous leader who should have known where the range was made a 10 minute trip into a 45 minute trip! Really maybe High Speed should have done a Map Reconnaissance or a Leaders Reconnaissance? Instead we get a tour of every range on Fort Campbell and pass the same unit 6 times and had to turn around about 10 times!  4 of us are in the van and all we can do is laugh and shake our heads.  We watch as Blinks stops and asked the same unit 2 times where the range we need to go is. Maybe they don’t know because they didn’t get us there the first time you asked them. Then we stop at 2 ranges disembark the vehicles only to get back in and go to another range…Are we there yet? Seriously Not Impressed.

You know what else I am not impressed with: All the super troopers who decided they were to cool for school and wore their Army Combat Shirts (ACS). I know you all want to feel like you are real soldiers again but last time I checked the ACS’s were meant to worn as a replacement for the Army Combat Uniform Jacket and the Moisture-wicking T-Shirts… In combat! Not in the middle of November in Fort Campbell, KY.  So although you may never have the chance to wear your high speed shirt in “Kuwait” there is no need for you to pretend you are all high speed now! Not impressed. Did I mention it was cold…. Real cold outside!

Finally we get to the range and the IRT personnel show up. We load magazines and prepare to shoot. Our range is supposed to go “Hot” at 0900.  The IRT guy calls Range Control and gets put on hold for 1.5 hours.  Range control is the only people who can allow us to start firing…. Houston we have a problem! Which wouldn’t be our first of the day!  So we finally start shooting at about 1030! 

If you have ever been to a military range before you know there are lots of safety concerns and rules which need to be followed… Such as…

Weapons pointed down range at all times. Stay within the range limits. Take all commands from the tower or the safetys. Don’t shoot the wildlife. Stay on line and never step in front of a firer and so many other rules. So safetys are supposed to say behind the firers at all times to make sure there are no safety issues.  Infamous leader thinks that it is safe to call commands in front of 11 firers whom all have loaded weapons… Get your stupid butt behind the firing line and call your commands. Really how long have you been in the Army! That would be my advice considering you have already wasted our time this morning with your piss poor navigational skills.

So we finally get everyone qualified. I hate qualifying with all that darn gear on! I felt like I was in a fat man suit trying to fire with frozen fingers! Long cold day! Lunch included beef jerky, spicy chips and apples with peanut butter.  But at least I was in good company!

Rollover, Rollover, Rollover

So Wednesday we actually did some cool training… At least I thought so!  Wednesday we did rollover training in an MRAP. Rollover training is training where you get into a vehicle simulator and it simulates your vehicle either being rolled over 90 deg or 180 deg and everyone has to safely get out of the vehicle in 60-90 seconds. When you are wearing 60 lbs of gear and upside down it is pretty difficult to get out of seatbelts and harnesses.  So I have done this a few times before in a Humvee so I knew what to expect. What I didn’t expect is how un-Army some of CID personnel are. 

So I am sure if you are all wondering if something funny happened…. Well sure enough I got stuck upside down in the damn MRAP….yup me and the front passenger (TC) were upside down in retention seatbelts which we could not get out of.  It took me doing a handstand on the roof of the cab (hope you can picture this..) to release enough tension from the belt for me to get out (One of the other soldiers in the vehicle had to assist) .  So finally once I got out I could help the guy who was probably 100lbs heavier than me out of his seatbelt.  Boy do they make those seatbelts high retention and inescapable. Hey at least we weren’t the only ones to get stuck in that seat. I must say our crew (people inside the vehicle) worked as a team to get everyone out in a timely manner… wish I could say that about some other “leaders”

This is me in the simulator.  Tried to add some videos but the computer is way to slow here. Maybe I will post them later.

Happy Feet

So my time in KY has been anything but eventful… more like frustrating, boring and unimpressive. So finding ways to spend my time with limited transportation and options of things to do is tough. I will say that it could always be worse, way worse.  So the other day Ms. JB and I went to go get a pedicure at a little Nail Salon which is run by Asians.. they always do the best job. So I am sure I am not the only one who goes into these nail places and all the ladies are speaking in their native language and there is no possible way to understand or pretend to understand. I always wonder if they are talking about me. I think Ms. JB has thought the same thing because she really got me going.  I really needed a serious pedicure and the lady working on me was taking care of my feet and Ms. JB tells me “They are talking about your feet and how bad they are..” I say “You’re a jerk… they aren’t talking about my feet”.  My lady and her guy are talking back in forth in a undistinguishable banter and I look at them and sure enough he is looking at my feet.  Of course I know they weren’t talking about my feet but Ms. JB had me paranoid and questioning what their conversation really was about. We were both rolling in our chairs… I even asked them if they were talking about my feet and they said “No.. we no talking about you!”. What a relief!  If you know anything about me, you know that I hate people touching my feet or even looking at them.  I didn’t start wearing flip-flops or getting pedicures until about 7 years ago.  I still don’t enjoy getting my feet done but I am paranoid that my feet will look ugly if someone does happen to look at them.  Oh and please keep your feet away from me! Gross!

A few summers ago my husband and I were in a nail salon so I could get a pedicure in Florida and there was this older man getting a pedicure and his toe nails were at least 3 inches long, yellow and curling. It was the most disgusting thing I had ever seen. If I was his wife, whom was sitting next to him, I would have been so embarrassed, she is gross to have let him get away with that madness.  NOT IN MY HOUSE!! Anyway I felt even worse for the poor girl who had to give him the pedicure, she looked like she was about to vomit!  Please men… If you are reading this and you don’t take care of your feet (DS..Yes I am talking to you) do your wives and/or girlfriends a favor and get a damn pedicure. No one wants to be sleeping next to someone with werewolf feet!  Pretty feet are happy feet.

How about some laughs….

Alexandria my stepdaughter called me this morning to tell me she broke her arm… this of course is not funny… but she is so accident prone her dad told her she needs to live in a bubble. This is the second time she broke her arm in the last 7 years.  Of course I had to make her laugh and ask her silly things like… how are you going to text?.... How are you going to wipe your bum?.... And how are you going to do all that homework?   She says I can wipe my bum with my left hand S-Mom!

So she got a pretty blue cast today!

Then she went to a Chinese restaurant and this was her fortune!

Julesiya, my God daughter answered my phone call today….” Papa Gino’s.  We are closed we have no more pizza!”  She is so funny. I was telling her about Zoe and Patience and she asks “Patience can talk?”  It was so cute!  She asked me if I wanted to speak to Mommy or Cici (her dog) .  I told her I wanted to talk to Cruella Deville (My step son thinks my BF looks like Cruella Deville).  So Julesiya says “Cruella Deville… Titi Courtnee wants to talk to you”  Too cute.

So my BF Mom… aka Mom #2… Read my Military Lingo blog… and calls Genessa and asks discretely… “What is tea bagging?”  Genessa has to explain to her Mom what tea bagging is…a little embarrassing.  Mom #2 if your reading this… always ask discretely. 

And finally… the new phrase for this deployment… “I am not impressed”

Fort Campbell… I am not impressed!
Fort Campbell Gym where I have to pay $2 to get in… I am not impressed!
Fort Campbell Soldier who don’t get haircuts, wear tight ACU’s, who wear metallic burnt orange fingernail polish in uniform, pony tails in uniform, Soldiers who don’t give the greeting of the day and/or salute… I am sorry but I am not impressed!
This deployment so far… I am not impressed!

Have a good weekend everyone!  And please remember that tomorrow is Veteran’s Day! Take the time out of your busy lives and thank a Veteran because without our brothers and sisters in arms our lives would not be the same.  Please take a second to pray for those who have given their lives protecting our freedom and those who serve every day voluntarily so you can sleep safe at night.  Thank you!

Happy Birthday Friend

Today my Best Friend Genessa turns 30! Happy Birthday Genessa!  So Genessa and I met 15 years ago in Mr. Seaver’s Freshman English class.  It was the first period of the first day of school. We had to do this project where we had to pick a song and translate what it was saying in our own words.  She picked a Nas song “If I ruled the world” and I picked a song from Pocahontas “Colors of the Wind”…. I have no idea why I would pick that song… probably because people used to call me Pocahontas… too bad I am not Native American but Irish and Japanese.  From that first period class until now Genessa and I have been closer than pickles in a pickle jar. (LOL).

We are two complete opposites but we give each other advice, help each other through life’s trials and tribulations, we are each other’s shoulder to cry on and the voice on the other end of a phone. We have had some crazy experiences together, we have shared in some trying times and she has supported me through the last 11 years of my military career.  I couldn’t ask for a better friend and sister. She isn’t just my friend she is my family.

Although today may not be a happy day because the reality of 30 is clear. The last 15 years have been full of great memories with you friend and I can only hope that in 15 years we can celebrate 30 years of friendship. So to my only non-military affiliated Best Friend (that means our friendship can endure all) thank you for being you and most of all thank you for being my friend.

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will
search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.

Unknown

Military Lingo

So most of you know the Army has some strange lingo that many of you civilians don’t understand. Most of it is inappropriate probably due to the number of males in the military and some of these words are words developed out of many deployments or long periods of boredom. When I am at home and speak to my family and friends stories come up which I have to explain some of these words.

So the other day my BFF calls me… she is my Best Friend from High School… civilian through and through!  We catch up on all the things going on in our lives and then she says “Do you remember you telling me about T Megan?” At least that is what I heard her say!  I say “What… T Meagan? What is that?”  She says “No tea bagging”.  My mouth drops and I become speechless. I had no idea when I had explained to her what tea bagging was… so I was a little shocked. (** For those of you reading this and do not know what tea bagging is ask someone discreetly**).  So I ask her why she was thinking about such an inappropriate word and she related that when she was in Michigan last week she went to a comedy show and the comedian was talking about it.  I explain to her again what it is and she laughs.

I wonder now what kind of conversation we were having that this “word” came up in conversation. Who knows but either way she gave me a good laugh which I really needed. 

Zoe & Patience

So first let me introduce you to Zoe. Zoe is almost 6 years old. She is a Weimaraner a hunting dog from Germany. Our “Grey Ghost” believes she is a person and acts like one too.  She has so much personality and she captures my heart.  She is technically Tuti’s dog but I have been around her since she was a puppy.  Zoe is an attention whore….Tuti and I can never be close… Zoe is always between us.  She is a watch dog who sits like an old lady at the window waiting for the neighbor to walk by, a groundhog to sneak around our shed or a leaf to blow across the yard. She alerts immediately. Zoe has a large appetite…. She loves chocolate, gum, Q-Tips, coffee, and most of all my Victoria Secret Panties…Yeah the $5.00 plus a pair ones. 

Patience is also almost 6 years old and has been Zoe’s sister since she was 8 weeks old.  Patience is a Minature Pinscher a German dog who is not related to the Doberman. I have raised her since she was 8 weeks old and she was my first pet. She loves her momma but she has the biggest crush on her dad! She demands his attention from the moment he walks in the house. She pretends to be the innocent one but I know she isn’t. Zoe may take the food off the counter and drop it onto the floor… but I know she chows down on whatever is left.  Patience loves to be under the covers all the time and her favorite word and dessert is “Ice Cream”.  When you say “ice cream” her ears perk up and she runs the freezer. She is my pretty little girl with Bad Breathe and I love her to death.

When one of us are away Zoe and Patience wait patiently and listen for the smallest indication that Mom or Dad are home, Barking at every little sound. So Tuti and I were prepared for them to act a fool when I didn’t come home the first day. Tuti says he believes they had already prepared themselves for my departure so although they were sad they had already come to the conclusion their mom wasn’t coming home.  This really hurt my feelings because in my heart although I didn’t want them to drive my husband nuts for a week… I wanted to feel as if they missed me. L 

So this morning Tuti explained how Zoe was sick this morning. When Zoe has eaten something that doesn’t agree with her she gets this stupid smile on her face and needs to throw up. She caused Tuti to run her outside numerous times this morning. So now they lay on the couch. Tuti tired because Zoe has had him up since 0630, Zoe not feeling well and Patience watching over her big sister.  Hopefully all three of them wish they were cozy on the couch with their mom! I think so…..

Fort Campbell Home of the 101st!

So my next journey has begun. It was extremely hard leaving my husband and my doggies yesterday. It has been many years since we have been apart for a long period of time; so needless to say I don’t predict this to be an easy 10 months.  My counterpart DB and I arrived at PHL Airport yesterday with way too much luggage and were under the impression that we would be paying for some excess baggage or some “extremely” overweight baggage. That wasn’t the case. Thanks to US Airways Express and a lovely employee of such…. We had a very pleasant experience with very little snaffoos. The first bump in our journey was the fault of the US Government and their government travel personnel. Mr. Jon booked my flight but failed to attach my orders which would pay for my flight. So after a 30 minute phone conversation with a man who wanted me to refresh his memory on who I was and when I came into his office…(really if you couldn’t get my reservations right what makes me thing your memory serves you to remember who I am).. any way finally got my ticket.

DB and I arrived at the designated gate which the US Airways rep and our tickets indicated. Had a snack and was chatting away. We went through security at 1120 and our flight should have started boarding at 1150.  We continued to chatter on when I looked up and saw the destination under gate F24 to be “COLUMBUS, OH”. I automatically turned to the gentleman beside me and asked “Sir, where are you headed to?” He says “Columbus, OH”.  I turned to DB with wide eyes of panic…he looked panicked too! It was 1210 and our flight departs at 1220.  Watch out PHL airport folks because we ran to the gate they so nicely change our flight to in the nick of time. 

We arrived safely to Nashville, TN.. only to miss the shuttle back to Fort Campbell. Next one is at 1700.  Lots of people watching happened for the next 4 hours.. I love people watching.  Had a young girl sit next to me.. 13 years old and the daughter of a strange military couple PCSing. She was telling me all about her morbidly obese cat who is 17 lbs and who sits at the dinner table with her family and eats what the family is eating. She goes on to tell me that her dad feeds the cat bacon and eggs where her and her sister eat Hot Pockets. “The cats eat better than we do!” Having been around kids… I hope she was embellishing the story a little but not sure….

Finally met up with my girl and all the other guys and gals about to endure this journey and it seems like we may have a good crew… time will tell. Wearing ACU’s (my uniform) for the first time in a few months and finally back on a real military installation. Finally the real Army again, I will be relieved when I get back to a really Army post with disciplined soldiers not Reserve soldiers who walk and talk on their cellphones, pull their uniforms out of the bottom of a duffle bag and think they are okay to wear and even the morbidly obese soldier who hasn’t taken a PT test in 10 years and refused to go up a uniform size.  NO offense to the squared away Reservist but when I get around the “ate up like a soup sandwich” ones you make my skin itch and anxiety attack here I come……